David Campbell’s life was nearly derailed by a chair — and not just his life, but those around him, too.


GATHER spherical everybody and I’ll inform you a story of recent day magic that may astound you. You will in all probability move this story on to the subsequent era.

For it’s a cautionary story of how seemingly innocent inanimate objects can nearly derail your complete life, taking your family members down with you.

It’s the story of the Magic Chair (copyright pending).

We all have one thing like this in our house and we don’t realize it.

Let’s look to a decade in the past. The yr is 2008 and the world was a totally different place. We had completed with MyArea, moved onto Facebook and the Prime Minister was Kevin Rudd — the primary time around.

My then fiancée Lisa and I lived in a one-bedroom place with no automotive area. It was nice for us and we had a good eating desk which was a function of our lounge/eating/kitchen. When individuals came to visit and we would have liked to shortly clear up, my soon-to-be bride would ask me to clear the desk so *insert good friend’s identify right here* might dine with us.

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No problemo. For I had found the Magic Chair. It was, to the untrained eye, a easy eating chair on the finish of the desk which no-one ever sat in.

But this supernatural seat might maintain all our papers, letters and payments, and then be slid neatly again into place. Table clear. Thanks Magic Chair.

This labored so properly that I turned closely reliant on the chair for my cleansing duties. Addicted if you’ll. It labored so nicely and it was such a seemingly straightforward answer. I ought to have bought it on an infomercial: “Act now and get a bonus table and chairs free! Never clean again!”

media_cameraDavid Campbell at
The Book Club Sydney premiere. Picture: Richard Milnes

The solar was shining two weeks earlier than we have been to satisfy on the altar and I was assured I’d satisfied my betrothed that she had hit the jackpot. He sings. He can type of dance and, most significantly, he can actually clear a desk.

My iPhone three rang and it was my sister questioning if she was nonetheless invited to our wedding ceremony. “Of course,” I insisted, beginning to sweat. Damn you, Australia Post. Turns out about 10 or extra invitations have been misplaced in transit. I couldn’t consider it. How am I alleged to belief this failing service?

media_cameraDavid Campbell’s column seems on this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Steven Chee

It was after I informed my fiancée concerning the name that we made the grim discovery.

In a haze of Magic Chair endorphins I had positioned a bunch of envelopes containing our special-day particulars in my favorite place. Reality got here bursting in. The spell had been damaged.

I felt silly — uncovered because the charlatan cleaner that I actually was. I apologised and made sheepish contact with all those who’d been uncared for to guarantee them they have been certainly invited to our nuptials.

I had hit my cleansing backside and I’d admitted the issue.

Still as we speak, once I see a aspect cabinet or footstool, I struggle an urge to load it up with clothes or toys. Sometimes I do. You know, for previous occasions’ sake.

Lisa, now a decade away from the chair that shall not be named, just coughs or shakes her head.

Maybe someday it’ll return. Until then, I’d higher clear off the eating desk.

David co-hosts Today Extra, 9am weekdays, on the Nine Network.

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